00:00-Show Intro
03:55-Drunk Dials
23:12-Mailbag
33:50-Dark Void Zero Review (DSiWare)
39:19-Muscle March Review (WiiWare)
45:08-Retro Review: Blockout/Breakdown (Odyssey 2)
48:12-Five Things
64:43-The Last Shot
66:02-Show Close
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Muscle March is a $5 download from Nintendo’s WiiWare service and I can’t recommend it enough. In addition to my perverse love of all things muscle-bound and oily, the game is pure fun. It contains the “WTF?” laughs of the most demented Cho Aniki game, crossed with the simple arcade-style gameplay of popular Dreamcast arcade titles like Crazy Taxi or Samba de Amigo. Indeed, the visuals look exactly like something out of the Dreamcast era, which could account for half of my enjoyment.
The premise is this: a giant bottle of protein has been stolen from the local gym. The patrons of said gym (a hilarious cast of bulging, g-string-wearing hulks and hulkettes) now must chase the thief through the streets in order to regain the protein and continue their workout regimen. But not only does the crook haul ass through the streets, he also barrels right through walls. And this is where the main gist of the game comes in. You must match the pilferer’s pose as you chase him through walls, signs, and other solid objects. To do this, you use the Wii Remote and Nunchuck adapter to make the different poses, of which there are four: both arms up, both arms down, right arm up/left arm down, and left arm up/right arm down. Each level begins with the characters running along a predetermined path (on rails) quite slowly, gradually picking up steam over time until you have only seconds to match the pose. The level culminates in a frantic controller-shaking segment until you and your cohorts tackle the thief, forming a giant, sweaty pile of man meat.
And that’s really all there is. Yes, there’s multiplayer, and yes, it’s just as hilarious. But you’re not getting anything deep here. What you’re getting are some cheap laughs and simple gameplay, and it’s well worth the $5.
I fell like Nintendo has been dragging their asses promoting games on WiiWare, and were it not for the weekly “Nintendo Downloads” thread over on NeoGAF I never would’ve noticed Muscle March. Hopefully someday they pull their heads out of their asses and promote some of the great, quirky games they have in that library. I know the developers would appreciate it.
00:00-Show Intro
03:58-Mailbag
13:12-Cartoon Wars-Gunner Review (iPhone)
18:50-Castlevania Rebirth Review (WiiWare)
22:40-Retro Review: World of Illusion (Genesis)
25:37-Five Things
51:04-The Last Shot
54:03-Drunk Dials
1:20:58-Show Close
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I am flabbergasted. After just having a conversation the other day where I said the only way to bring Bonk back would be through one of the downloadable services, here he is, ready to appear on WiiWare, XBLA, and PSN. And yes, I will buy all three versions. I am that stupid crazy.
Here are the details:
Bonk. Is. Back! Hudson’s loveable caveman makes his long-awaited return and has brought his enormously giant head with him! Get ready for an all new adventure exclusively on Xbox LIVE®Arcade, Playstation®Network, and WiiWare™ in Spring 2010!
A doomsday comet, surrounded by smaller chunks of debris, is on a collision course with Earth. A strange magnetic field around the comet seems to be driving most of the planet’s weak-willed creatures crazy, and smaller bits of debris are smashing into the jungle near Bonk’s home. Bonk must undertake a perilous journey that will take him to the very center of the planet to save the world.
The Return Of The Most Widely Requested Classic Platformer
• Story Mode with Co-Op play. Play alone or have a friend join you at any time!
• An entire new adventure with Bonk as he swims, bites, climbs, jumps, runs, and head-butts his way through jungles, deserts and volcanic caverns
• Search for help along the way: power ups, check points, and extra health are the staple for every adventuring caveman.
• Transformations are back and weirder than ever! Now Bonk can transform himself into eight different forms by eating meat or encountering Primordial Jelly. No enemy is safe from the boy with the super noggin!
New Features
• Online play for the first time in the series!
• New enemies with incredible variations in personalities and abilities. Beware the Raptor Unicycle Tank!
• Classic 2D platforming in a 3D world.
• Tons of collectibles will have you searching the entire prehistoric world.
Join us as we welcome Bonk back into our hearts! For those who haven’t played the originals, you’re in for a prehistoric side-scrolling adventure, the likes of which you’ve never seen! Coming soon for XBLA, PSN, and WiiWare.
Everything comes from something.
We were before we became. From life comes rhythm, and from rhythm comes life.
We are beings of information.
Everything is a conduit for learning.
We communicate in bits and bytes.
And we will return to something once we become nothing.
After our BIT.TRIP is complete.
Wiiware. $6. Wiimote only. 1-4 players. 3 long-ass stages. Not a ton of required fridge.
Rez * Pong
That’s it.
Worth the price?: Yes Worth the fridge space?: Yes Recommended: Anybody with a 2600 retro itch. Recommended: Enjoy Pong, Breakout, anything that plays with a paddle. Recommended: If you love chiptunes or Mizuguchi music concepts (Rez, Lumines, Every Extend). Not Recommended: No good at pattern recognition. Not Recommended: Driven by graphics. Not Recommended: Colorblind
You play as a paddle. Pong-style-sideways. Your job is to hit every ball before it passes by. Every ball you hit, the SFX adds to the song and a meter builds along the top. When the top meter fills, the soundtrack gets more complex. Fill the top meter again, you earn a multiplier. The scoring system is based on never missing, almost like Vid Ribbon. When you miss a ball, a meter fills along the bottom. When that meter fills up, you lose the multiplier and the soundtrack degrades. Continue missing balls and the game reverts to original Pong presentation. Continue to miss and you game over.
Wiiware. 173 Blocks of Fridge. $10. 5 Stages. Significantly-changed game loops. Button Configurable. Wiimote, Nunchuck, GC, and Classic supported. 1-Player only.
Worth the price?: Yes Worth clearing hard drive space?: Only if it requires removing one or two games tops. I gave up Internet Channel for this. Gradius Rebirth is good, but not an eighth coming of Christ.
Recommended to: any shmup enthusiast or Gradius fan, novice or expert. Very Much Recommended to: anybody who has never played a Gradius game. Or a challenge-based gamer. Not Recommended to: anybody who judges games based on amount of content or refuses to replay a short game multiple times. Not Recommended to: anybody who refuses to play a game for the challenge.
The rumor-bag said this is supposed to be a remake of Gradius 1. I would say that yes, while it contains four or five significant stage references to Gradius 1, there is way too much new layout and bosses to say this is a remake and I’d argue to call this more its own original game. But remember that point is hard to argue as almost every Gradius game recycles a crapload from the game before it. And then after saying that, I now gotta say this is a hard fall from Gradius V. Don’t even come into this thinking you’re going to get anything from Gradius V. No Option control with R button. No instant respawn in main modes. No editable powerbar. This is more into Gradius Gaiden territory, but even that’s a stretch as there’s less content and no co-op. You do get 3 selectable Powerbar layouts. You unlock more when you credit-feed the game (on Hard). There is a dedicated mode to test your 1 Credit Clear ability on defaults.
That should have read...
Personally I always preferred the Mario Super Show voice to Charles...