Because nobody’s sick of seeing this image on the left or anything. This is the guy I don’t get. Where do they get the elbow pads? How do they all know to put on the elbow pads?  How is his hood always on? I am baffled, sir. Valve has turned their reports over to the Center of Disease Control. Current day scientists have computed the demographics and their estimated zombie type mutation results when the coming zombie apocalypse hits:
All infected obese people become Boomers.
All infected bodybuilders become Tanks.
All infected rock stars become Smokers.
All infected skaters become Hunters.
All infected teenage white girls become Witches.
All infected doctors become Faust.
All infected iPod owners become Sheep.
All infected athiests become Christians.
All infected WOW players become Angry German Kids.
All infected Spanish and black people become Drones with really weird alienish things controlling them.
All infected Europeans become Rage.  And when asking about it, nobody will every clearly describe what the hell that means…or why they felt they had to trash the good name of the first movie by making a meh sequel.
All infected animals become WTF Mitochondria things from Parasite Eve…
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erm…Let’s move on!

Criken2 provides the moving pictures this round.

Written guide for playing as Hunter continues:

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As much as I wanna rifle through an armada of Gene Simmons jokes, I’ll take the high road and make a half-hearted cliche reference about eating pussy. Because hey, Girls & Corpses.
*ahem*

“Dude. This guy can work the clit.”

ew.
If Boomer is a Civil War general in bizarro world, a bizarro sniper would mean the less elevated you are, the more devastating your shot can be. Yes, that comes with additional risk, but once you shoot, your position is forfeit anyway. Ah yes, and for those not knowing, a “pull” is a successful tongue attack in which the victim is dragged or pulled toward the Smoker’s location. You’ll be reading that word quite a bit.

mookalokka is responsible for this setup. A jolly thanks to him.

‘Written guide to playing as a Smoker is as follows:

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We continue the guide on how to play as dead things. Since 75% of the value of Left 4 Dead relies on your friends to be playing it too, there are not many months of stable nightly playing time left. Furthermore, it is only a matter of time before Fox News and special interest groups condemn the game, claiming Boomer play is serving as Al Quida suicide bomber training. The tingling senses in my lab coat and beakers tell me it is best to soak up and practice this science immediately. Also, test tubes.

It appears in zombie bizarro world, the guy who should be leading the Civil War-style charge on top of the zombie horse holding a saber of sorts is the extremely fat guy. Strange but true. I apologize for not entertaining the thought with a disastrous photoshop of the pic to the left.

Soulcorruptr shows you pretty pictures. A special thanks to him.

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Yes.  Why not start with the rare one.   Besides being anal about metal stairs, It’s weird how almost completely true-to-game the intro cutscene is.  Even stranger is how nobody pays attention to that.  Hey buddy!  Any zombie you touch as a Tank, you kill him dipshit.  If you, reader person, punch your zombie teammate, he dies.  The other misconception is the control timer.  You know it maxes out when you get a hit in, right?  You don’t have to charge into the group of four shotguns.  You can stick and move. Pretend you’re Bald Bull from Punch-Out if you have to; a Bald Bull that throws giant-ass rocks.  Some great player Tanks can hold it together for five, even ten minutes.  Just keeping that Tank theme song going as long as possible can confuse the shit out of players while your friends pick the survivors apart.  You know how you hang around in the same spot or run the hell backwards when you see a Tank in campaign modes? Yeah, a great Tank player knows that and will try to recreate that effect for as long as possible…if only by just standing out of view throwing rocks all day. Influencing players to not move forward is your real objective.  Adding damage to that is a given.  Tank is better as an ambush support against expert players than a suicide bomber with no explosives as everybody else uses it.  Think about it over a jack & coke.  I probably won’t make a survivor guide so hey, here’s a tip:  The arms and back are the Tank weak spots, apparently.  Also, Tank HP really hates shotguns and fire while exploding propane buys survivors 3 seconds of stumbling time.  But you knew that already.

sprinklervibes gets props for making this visual guide.

Written strategy for Tank is as follows:

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‘Figured I’d combo off Phneri’s work. The word on the street is the DLC is coming that’ll let you use the other 10 missing maps in Versus mode. Maybe somebody should pass some good word about how to play as infected. I’ll start the party with some general group communication and ambush tips and make a nifty little section for each zombie type across the week. May everybody learn how the killing works so an entire versus campaign can be completed in twenty minutes…because I got stuff to do.

Tips on playing as zombie are as follows:

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