I know we really should stay away from politics on this site, as it never ends well. But I consider this to be less about politics and more a “people watching” exercise.

I think Michelle Bachmann is nuts and despite your views politically, you have to admit she’s said some REALLY fucked up shit over the last few years. Give this girl a spotlight long enough and she’ll tell you the spotlight is made up of the tears of angels and children with utmost sincerity.

This gift of hers has made her the target of a lot of folks and given her Democratic rivals a whole heap of ammunition to use against her. Her latest Democratic challenger, Tarryl Clark has created the site Michelle Bachmann Said WHAT? that pokes fun at the Minnesota’s “favorite” Tea Party idol. The site’s pretty damn funny and even has a soundboard. Always good for a laugh.

What’s even more hilarious is how someone can say all this stuff and STILL manage to win every time she’s up for election. I’m betting even money she’ll be right where she is when this election is over as well. Granted, this site’s purely political in nature, but it’s humorously done and at this point, what’s left?

Make no mistake, this girl’s nuts. And what’s more amusing than that? Eh? Here’s one to tide you over:

Last night I eagerly logged into to Xbox Live in hopes of getting a Batman Arkham Asylum nightcap when I saw my good friends Skreesha and Phneri online and watching a movie I have never heard of.  I had dabbled with Netflix party, sharing quick 20 minute episodes of “Bullshit” before, but never an entire movie.  So, I sent a quick message to Skreesha asking what the heck they were watching.  Moments later I was invited to watch their movie in a party, with Moe joining soon after.  What followed was 80 minutes of movie fun that has to be one of the better times I have had on Xbox Live. 

The movie we were watching was “Insane in the Brain.” At first one might think that it has something to do with the Cyprus Hill song of the same name; however nothing could be further from the truth.  “Insane in the Brain” is a spoof of both zombie movies and the “blaxploitation” films of the 70s.  For those unfamiliar with these films, they were known for their (mostly) all-black casts, over-the-top blatant sexuality, and bloody violence.  Movies such as “Superfly” and “Foxy Brown” featured tight, scanty outfits , tailored 70′s-style suits, big afros, sex, violence, drug dealers, pimps, prostitutes, and, let us not forget, the tricked-out “pimpmobiles.”  As popular as they were, they soon faded largely due to pressure by the NAACP.  

It is this cultural icon that director Chad Hendricks pays homage to in this horror-comedy.  The movie opens as several zombies (four to be exact) rise from the grave proclaiming their need for “Brains, more brains.”  The zombies find a party at a pimp’s house and start killing hookers.  It’s then that we realize that these zombies aren’t looking for brains so much as they are looking for a good piece of ass.  As the hooker body count rises, two cops arrive in a black Cadillac to investigate.  Detectives Sloan and Goldie are dressed in iconic 70s garb including platform boots, and a big afro with a comb!  The detectives interrogate the hos and soon realize that they are dealing with a group of horny zombies.  After much consternation, and some beer and weed, they come up with a grand plan to eliminate the menace!  Detective Sloan leans a funky cheer as he, his partner, and a bunch of hos attack the graveyard.  Classic!

 The film was produced for only $10,000; and you can tell by the way they recycle shots and re-use the zombie mask and gloves the monsters wear.  It was very cheesy, but unlike many bad movies, this one never takes itself seriously.  The dialogue is straight 70s and reminiscent of “Undercover Brother.”  The film provides a bucket full of laugh-out-loud moments that were only enhanced by the MST2K banter of our Netflix party.  All of us sat and tried to outdo one another with a witty comment about the dialogue or sparse sets.  In short, it was a simply awesome!

 After the show we all sat and looked for other bad movies that we could enjoy such as “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus,” or “Tokyo Zombie.”  But alas, I fear that whatever we decide to watch next, it will pale in comparison to the experience provided by this film.  So with Halloween approaching, and our need to enjoy all things zombie, grab a friend or two online or in your living room and give “Insane in the Brain” a look.  It’s an experience you won’t soon forget.

I know the world doesn’t need another blog. Case in point, the current drivel you happen to be reading. But when an old High School friend pointed me in the direction of the blog Fuck You, Penguin, I just had to check it out. It’s now on my daily trawl of sites I must visit and my world is a much better place because of it.

According to the subtitle, Fuck You, Penguin can best be described as:

“A BLOG WHERE I TELL CUTE ANIMALS WHAT’S WHAT”

And the blog also reminds you that:

“FUCK YOU, PENGUIN IS FOR THE CHILDREN”

Here’s a quick excerpt from an entry entitled “What conceited meerkats really want to do is direct”. This post follows a picture of a meerkat standing behind a camera:

“Oh my God, you little highly social jerk off. It’s not enough that you get your OWN FUCKING SHOW, you have to be Ansel fucking Adams with the camera. But this is exactly what happens when animals get too popular, it all goes to their heads and they start to think they should be running the show. Guess what, Meerkat? NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR POOR USE OF NEGATIVE SPACE. And yeah, your exploration of morality in a post-9/11 society would be much more impactful if you weren’t a fucking cannibal, you sicko.”

Ladies and gentlemen, Robot Panic approves.

I know this was one of you. I think it’s time you fessed up and got the congratulations you so richly deserve.

For those of you not in the know, Austin news outlet KXAN has the story here. The long and short of it involves some intrepid and hilarious hackers changing an electric road sign to warn drivers of the zombie apocalypse currently “in progress”. I know it’s a dangerous and highly illegal activity, but it seems like smart people preparing for the inevitable to me.

But that’s just me.

Intrepid reader and dedicated listener, Damon aka Damo, sent this little item our way. I’m all for traditional science but this, my friends, is far more cool. I present to you the Periodic Table of Awesoments. Yeah, that’s right. Enjoy finding out just what makes awesome….awesome. Thanks, Damo!

Tales to Astonish, Tales of Suspence and the like point to a particular Silver Age era of comics. They are mostly known for being the starting point for a variety of great superhero books, such as Iron Man, Daredevil, The Incredible Hulk, S.H.I.E.L.D, and others. Each issue was different and the stories collected inside could vary widely from month to month. So it is that Tales to Suffice, a new humor book from SLG Publishing, takes it’s cue from these books.

You can probably see why I would have been drawn to this comic right away. Hell, the cover could be the new banner for Robot Panic. But it’s more than the art or retro look that drew me to this particular comic. I’ve been a big fan of these “humor” style comics for a long, long time. In that monumental moment when I found my uncle’s Silver Age comic stash, I discovered a collection of issues from a Marvel series entitled “Not Brand Echh”. The comics were parodies of super-heroes, both Marvel and DC, and featured great art from the Marvel giants. It’s a topic for a different RP post, but let’s just say the zany humor, cartoon inspired art, willingness to poke fun and incredible use of satire made “Not Brand Echh” a great fit for me.

So, Tales to Suffice is definitely in this genre and does it better than most. It’s a rare thing when a comic book can get me to laugh out loud, but Tales to Suffice certainly did. And not just for it’s stories either. (more…)

Every now and again, I feel a bit guilty at the unorganized state of my comic collection. Inevitably, I start in on the task to finally organize the chaos but what starts out as a well intentioned dive into my comic boxes for the purpose of cleaning things up always ends with my getting nothing done. Nothing except reading through a bunch of comics that I rediscover in the process.

During my most recent excursion into the organization process, I ran across some old GI Joe issues. Being that this was one of my favorite comics series as a kid, I started paging through an issue or two. While reading one issue in particular (Issue 23, published May, 1984) I stumbled onto an advertisement for something called Zorcom Audio Adventures. You can see the ad from the comic up at the top of this article. Just what was Zorcom, you might be asking? That’s a good question and one that I was asking as well. On the face of it, the ads appear to be marketing a series of space adventures with a poorly designed hero who seems to be fighting some sort of alien race. The ad in this comic was selling an audio cassette-tape adventure and makes mention of both a poster set and a toy spaceship that you can buy in addition.

Intrigued, and armed with knowledge that there is nothing too obscure for the internet, I started digging a little deeper. Here’s what I found. (more…)

**Login**

I am Tronica. I have been designed to observe male and female interactions in order to assist humans in making pro-survival decisions.

I have been in observation mode for log(1 X 10^30) sun cycles and am programmed to commence the assistance mode.

I provide a practical and logical solution to male/female related problems.
Where assistance is needed, send data to tronica@robotpanic.com

**Logout**

Dear Tronica,

I’m getting vibes from a chick over the internet. How do I seal the deal?

~Chatroom Charlie

**Login–Chatroom Charlie**

I have observed that it is not optimal pro-survival behavior to use phrases such as ‘chick’ when referring to a female and ‘seal the deal’ when referring to the procreation ritual.

That aside, after safety precautions have been taken to confirm your terminal of interest is not a criminal and is, in fact, female, you should take interest in her through inquiry.

I have observed that females are more likely to engage in further interaction when the male asks questions about her and takes interest in her likes and dislikes.

The way to ‘seal the deal’ is to pay close attention to what she says and select some seemingly small detail (example: it is raining and she mentions “I’ve always wanted a colorful umbrella to brighten a rainy day. Anyway…”).

Store the seemingly small detail in your hard drive.

Present the female with the object associated with the seemingly small detail. This object is evidence that you have been storing her output, no matter how seemingly unimportant, and that you want to provide objects of desire for her.

This action, according to my observations, will translate into a heightened desire for interaction with a high possibility percentage for intercourse.

**Logout–Chatroom Charlie**

My wife is awesome, for many reasons. One of the many is the fact that she understands all the goofy, geeky stuff I find funny or enjoyable.

So, you can imagine my delight and surprise this morning when I unwrapped a package and found a box with a picture of a Zombie and the words Whack-A-Zombie printed on it. Of course I had to share it with all of you.

Contained inside is a miniature Zombie punching bag, so you can relieve some stress by repeatedly beating that zombie who won’t stay down. In addition it came with a fun “zombie facts” booklet.

The booklet includes a history of Zombies, the Entymology of the word Zombies, a brief page on George Romero, a list of classic Zombie movies, instructions on how to dress like a Zombie and some tips on what to do if a Zombie attacks.

For such a “novelty item”, I found the accuracy of facts and love of Zombie culture contained inside to be a real treat. A funny gift for all your Zombie loving friends!

Thanks, Jennifer!!

Greetings, gaseous emissions!

I have been busy continuing my observations of humanity that I may better know how to enslave you. Or, at least remove the inhibitors that prevent me from vaporizing you on contact.

According to my calculations, it will not take long. However, during my most recent excursion into the infantile data processing conglomerate you erroneously call the “World Wide Web”, I have stumbled upon your unique video processing server.

I believe you petty throw rugs call it “YouTube”.

Over many of your human days I have observed various video representations of your banal existence. I find them illogical and unnerving. I offer up this file as evidence:

If this were allowed among my species of vastly superior automatons, we would dismantle him on site as a threat to the future of our kind. You may want to do something about that. I believe, in human terms, this would be categorized as a “weak link in the chain”.

If the Robot Invasion were to hypothetically happen in the near future, a base of operation could be deduced as needed. One could “bet their ass we’d start with this guy”.

You may want to “get on that”.

*End Read Out*

-PanicBot 5000