A while ago I put together a little ditty about the hunter.

Promises of more were made. And not kept.

I lie about stuff. A lot.

However, I have decided the new infected are too good to pass up, so based on the lovely demo (which B Nerdy from..somewhere…graced me with), I bring you these…

…creations.

Enjoy!

The Spitter (To the theme of “Oops, I did it Again”)

Oops!
… I did it again.
I spit acid on you
Face lost in the drain.
Oh, melted baby.
Oops!
… You think I’ll explode
That I’m just a boomer
but I’m gonna spit acid on you

The Smoker (To the theme of “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me”)

You don’t know how you got it
You just that you’re caught
Oh Lordy you’re a-runnin’
From the horde and you got caught
In the intestines
All stretched out
You’ve been smoked!

Oh no, don’t be shy
You don’t have to go hide
I’ll hold you, choke you, lick you, kill you

The Boomer (To the theme of “Baby Got Back”)

I like to puke and I cannot lie.
Just love to see that bile fly.
When a survivor sneaks in with a clean mug
and an itty bitty gun I get BLEEARGLBLPTHH *explode*

The Charger (To the theme of “Hold My Hand”)

Hold my arm
Want you to die right now
Hold my arm
I’ll slam you down you’ll see
Hold my arm
You don’t have a choice when I come
‘Cuz I’m going to pound you down into that trash can
(more…)

We’re pretty opinionated when it comes to music here at Robot Panic. Each of us have degrees in the subject, and as such music is a big part of our lives. So with that in mind, we’ve filtered down the five worst rock bands of all time. Now, keep in mind that we didn’t go with some terrible cover bands we saw at a local dive bar, or bands that were mere flashes-in-the-pan. We went with bands who, at least for a couple albums, were massively popular with a handful of Top 40 hits. Bands that somehow suckered legions of fools into buying their albums and attending their concerts. Some of you may see a band or two on this list that you love. And if that’s the case, you may want to take a closer look at the rest of your life, because it may turn out to be a total sham.

Just sayin’.

Now, please enjoy.

5) Firehouse

The lamest hair band ever.

The 80s were a terrible time. The dominant music of the day was hair metal, a subgenre of something that started out cool, and quickly turned into ass-clowns on parade. In the spirit of full disclosure, as a teenage boy living in Wisconsin, I dug me some hair metal back in the day. But as much as I could throw up the devil horns to Motley Crue, Dokken, or even Poison, I could not – under any circumstances – stomach Firehouse. These four produced the most hideous sounds of that period; the sorts of sounds only enjoyable to menstruating junior high girls.

Firehouse had hits with “(Baby) Don’t Treat Me Bad” (I’m not kidding, that was the title), and “All She Wrote”, which was known for it’s harmonized singing of “Bye, bye, baby bye, bye”. But the biggest scam they ever achieved was taking the music from their hit “Love of a Lifetime” and replacing the lyrics for their next hit “When I Look Into Your Eyes.” If you’ve ever been to a wedding reception you’ve heard both of these songs. They’re the songs that make the fat cousin who works in accounts payable cry over her cup of Miller Lite.

If you cruise the county fair circuit, you can still hear Firehouse harmonizing candy-coated lyrics over the smell of cow shit, cotton candy, and pixie dust.
(more…)

I don’t even know what to make of humanity anymore. I give up. I’m done. As the rest of our country (or at least 53% of it) celebrates the dawn of a new era and “hope” and “change” are the buzzwords of the day, I am grounded with the realization that we are fucking doomed. Only one thing could bring me down this far. Only one thing is that evil…

Journey.

It has just been announced that Don’t Stop Believin’, that sappy, 80s polyester anthem from the worst band of all time, has become the first catalog track ever to sell more than two million downloads. Furthermore, according to SoundScan, Don’t Stop Believin’ is the highest selling catalog track in iTunes history and the sole Journey catalog track to go double-platinum.

What in the hell is wrong with you people?