I LOVE comic movies, I usually ignore the reviews and go and see almost every one that comes out; and for the most part I am happy with what I get onscreen. I will even shamefully admit that I enjoyed Ghost Rider, a decent popcorn movie on one of my favorite comic characters. I had read truly awful reviews of Jonah Hex and despite my curiosity; I had planned on renting this movie later this Fall. Then yesterday, my son and I had a conversation that went like this:
“Dad can we go see Jonah Hex?”
“Gee Tiny, why do you wanna see that movie?”
“Because…it has Megan Fox, Cowboys, and things blow up in it.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic, the premise of the movie is strong. And with all of us enjoying the goodness that is Red Dead Redemption, I was kinda itching for a decent cowboy flick myself. So off to the matinee we went in hops of seeing boobs, guns, and splosions. Sadly for us, the film lacked a lot of what we went looking for. If had more boobs and guns perhaps I could recommend it.
For those who aren’t familiar with the DC comic, Jonah Hex is a Western antihero created by writer John Albano and artist Tony DeZuniga. Hex is a surly and cynical bounty hunter whose face is horribly scarred on the right side. Despite his poor reputation and personality, Hex is bound by a personal code of honor to protect and avenge the innocent. Hex has appeared in several of his own series and in many crossover series such as Crisis on Infinite Earths, and most recently as a member of the Black Lanterns. In the comics, Hex is truly a badass, and he has a unique knack to communicate with the dead. On paper such a character would make a great Hollywood movie, so what could have gone wrong? Let’s look back at pre-production to see if we can’t figure out why.
In 2000, Fox developed a one-hour television adaptation based on the character with Akiva Goldsman and Robert Zappia, but the project did not make it to production. By July 2007, Warner Bros. held feature film rights to the character and sought to produce a film. Goldsman paired with Andrew Lazar as producers, and Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor adapted the screenplay. Then in November 2008 Neveldine and Taylors stepped down from being directors due to creative differences with the studio. Warner Brothers explored the possibility of hiring Andy Fickman or McG but it chose Jimmy Hayward from PIXAR to direct the film. That’s right an animated director doing his first live action film.
The picture went through several re-writes and then production stalled as the film slowly ran out of money. Warner pieced together what they had filmed and put their best effort on the screen, and I must admit, it really shows. There is a ton of plot elements and exposition that is simply left to the audience to deduce through later narrative. This doesn’t work well when you are introducing a new comic hero in a movie. Even when your audience is familiar with the back-story (e.g. Superman) a character’s back-story is a crucial element to the films success. Jonah Hex has very little of this, the film opens with a montage of civil war images in an attempt to tell the story of this haunted bounty hunter. We eventually see Jonah (Josh Brolin) tied to a stake as his nemesis Quinton Turnbull (John Malkovich) chastises him for what he did to his rebel squad and he blames him for the death of his son Jeb. Turnbull burns Hex’s house down with his wife and child inside and then he brands him on the right side of the face so everyone will know who did this to him. While an origin story like this is cool, I wanted to SEE these events happen, so I get a greater sense of who this character is. Instead we see later flashbacks that kind of fill in the blanks, but they don’t quite fit the bill.
The same can be said of Megan Fox’s character Lilah. Lilah is a prostitute who seems interested in Hex and for the life of me I can’t tell you why. In fact, I wasn’t even sure of her real name until the credits rolled. It’s as if Hayward wants Ms Fox to be just some eye candy to make us forget all the questions we have going on throughout the film. Now I would be fine with that IF we had more of Megan Fox being sexy and a badass. Sadly her screen time is about 15 minutes, not nearly long enough for me to forget the film’s flaws.
But what about the cool Western gunplay? Well, there is some of that in this film. In the first five minutes we see Hex bring in wanted men he’s collecting a bounty on. The Sheriff turns out to be as shady as the men he was after and a huge gunfight ensues. It was the best part of the film and it left me hopeful for more scenes like that one. The movie had about 3 more action sequences as cool as that, spread in between flash-backs and lousy exposition. Again, more gunplay would have made the film more forgiving.
Moreover, things just kind of happen in Jonah Hex. One moment we see Hex talking to Turbull’s son Jeb in the graveyard and then he’s assaulting a fort reminiscent of Fort Mercer from Red Dead Redemption. Wait, how did we get here? It’s cool and all, but WTF just happened? It’s this music video pacing and unfinished scenes that ruin the great idea that Jonah Hex could have been. In fact, the entire time I kept thinking to myself, ”Gee this could have been awesome if…”
All that being said, there is enough cool moments in the film to make it worth a rental. I wouldn’t recommend paying money for it in the theater unless you had absolutely nothing better to do, or if you just can’t get enough Megan Fox. It’s sad because I really do dig this character and I do think he deserves a well told story onscreen. Perhaps Christopher Nolan can pick up the pieces when he’s done with Batman (whenever that might be).
Clive Owen delivers a baby during a gunfight, has sex during a gunfight, and kills people with carrots. Paul Giamatti says a bunch of silly quasi-philosophical shit and really, really wants to murder babies and Clive Owen. Monica Bellucci (from a bunch of The Matrix stuff) plays a lactating hooker who won’t show her tits. I can confirm there is, in fact, another anti-tank sniper rifle at some point.
