Posts Tagged ‘Guide’

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SCIENCE!!! – Geometry Wars 2: King

September 5th, 2008 by Ian (DJI)

Are you tired of the mothafuckin’ snakes on the mothafuckin’ screen? The Pythagorean Theorem got you down? Do you want to stab the guy who invented Bloom Effect directly in the eye?

Come over here for a minute. We will tell you things. Summer of Arcade is over, right? It’s time to learn how to play those games you just bought over the last five weeks.

KING: If my kid ever asks me about the birds ‘n bees, I’d tell him, play King. You fly into eggs, ya keep the sperm out as you get your gun off, and impregnate bitches three at a time. That’s exactly how sex works.

13mil #18 dreads3213

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Posted in Science!, Videogames | 3 Comments »

SCIENCE!!! – Geometry Wars 2: Pacifism

September 4th, 2008 by Ian (DJI)

Let’s kill some shapes. Let’s kill them together. We be playin’ Geo Wars 2 Retro Evolved for the Three-Six. This-here writing is supposed to be some kinda strategy guide for the game, because Robot Panic cannot and will not have a definite decipherable target audience.

**Editors Note: That’s not entirely true. Our target audience is cool people, natch! -Howlin’ Hilden**

Today’s problem is I got like, a B- in my Geometry class. I check my rankings and I’m hovering in the “not best in the world” category. Not the place I’d like to be, but you don’t have three weeks to wait while I go try and grow an e-penis. I don’t really want an e-penis. I heard those cause cancer.

To compensate, I enlisted a crack team of throw-down players who are better than me. Together, we will turn math into words, shapes into science, facepalms into facepalms.

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Posted in Games, Science!, Videogames | 1 Comment »

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