SPOILERS!! So, you know, be forewarned!

Final Crisis #7

Written by: Grant Morrison
Art by: Doug Mahnke and Christian Alamy

The Final Crisis is now averted. Over the course of seven issues, the main idea of Final Crisis was the resurrection of Darkseid. By using a human host, Darkseid was able to enter our world. His main goal, as always, is to enslave the human race using the Anti Life Equation. Basically, the Anti Life Equation is the negative version of a Life Equation. Life Equation is essentially the idea of free will. Upon learning this, Darkseid basically deduced that there must be an opposite, negative form of this equation, The Anti Life Equation.

So in Final Crisis, Darkseid’s plan is to be born again on Earth and unleash his spoken version of the Anti Life Equation. In earlier issues, Darkseid unleashed the Anti Life Equation through the media, via emails, TV, internet, whatever people were sure to use. So sure enough, it works and he gains control of the world. Enter the heroes. They aren’t too happy with Darkseid’s plan, but are crippled by his might due to the fact that Darkseid created an army using the world’s population and even some of the heroes themselves. So not only are the DCU fighting Darkseid, they are also fighting amongst themselves. Last issue, Batman confronted Darkseid and went against his “no gun” code and shot Darkseid, killing him, but not before Darkseid hit Batman with the Omega Sanction. The Omega Sanction is a weapon that forces the target to live in alternate lives, with each life progressively getting worse. This helps explain the ending to Final Crisis 7. Cut to this issue. Everything has come together. The heroes have regrouped, and they plan to recreate the Multiverse using the Miracle Machine shown in earlier Final Crisis issues.

You know what? Fuck it. I don’t have enough energy to type out this huge explanation, but most likely, if you have read Final Crisis, you are confused. So I’m gonna help you out. It’ll cost you money, but what do you care? You read comics, so obviously you have a disposable income, so what is another $20? Ok, so go out and buy Final Crisis Revelations and Final Crisis Superman Beyond 3D. Revelations is good, Superman Beyond 3D is half good. I reviewed Issue 1 a few months ago. It sucked hardcore, but it at least explains where the fuck Superman was during the first 6 issues of Final Crisis. Issue 2 is actually alot better. It also helps explain the last issue of Final Crisis. So yeah, if you really want to know, you can go get those issues, or hell, just wikipedia it.

So, in conclusion, NO MORE BIG EVENTS THAT NEED WIKIPEDIA AS A REFERENCE GUIDE!

And Grant Morrison shouldn’t be allowed to write all this twisted shit in a mainstream book. Save it for the niche titles, Grant.

And lay off the fucking acid, too. Jerk.
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Tyler Durden 84 sends us some reviews of comics sitting on your local shelf right now! Enjoy!

Author:Tyler Durden 84

Amazing Spider-man #568-569
Written by: Dan Slott
Art By: John Romita Jr

Continuing the arc titled “New Ways To Die”, Amazing Spider-man #569 gives us the next issue that tells about Spider-man dealing with a political candidate who may have some secrets that he would rather not become public. In the previous issue, Spider-man finds a sweatshop that is later linked to a politician. Parker gets heat from the new boss at the Daily Bugle and decides to fight back by giving Ben Urich’s paper, Front Line, his newest pictures, proof of candidate Crowne’s sweatshop.

Meanwhile, at the DB, Betty Brant is tasked with finding dirt on the other mayoral candidate, Martin Li. Li runs the F.E.A.S.T. centers. F.E.A.S.T. or Food, Emergency Aid, Shelter and Training, are designed to help the downtrodden get back on their feet. Pete’s very own Aunt May often helps out there, too. A surprising guest to the FEAST center is former Mr. Venom himself, Eddie Brock, only now a cancer patient due to the symbiote leaving his body and attaching itself to the former Scorpion and new Thunderbolt member, Mac Gargan. Eddie, in the last issue, was “healed”, unknowingly, by Martin Li, curing Eddie’s cancer and ridding his mind’s obsession over Venom. He returns to the FEAST center to tell everyone the good news. Becoming yet another “miracle person” that had once frequented mayoral hopeful Li’s FEAST centers.
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