Shoot ‘em Up
Clive Owen delivers a baby during a gunfight, has sex during a gunfight, and kills people with carrots. Paul Giamatti says a bunch of silly quasi-philosophical shit and really, really wants to murder babies and Clive Owen. Monica Bellucci (from a bunch of The Matrix stuff) plays a lactating hooker who won’t show her tits. I can confirm there is, in fact, another anti-tank sniper rifle at some point.
Let me check…
…Yep. That’s about it.
The star of the show is the “I <3 John Woo” shootouts directed by Michael Davis. If you recall the Dr. Suess book Green Eggs & Ham, basically any physical place that book names there’s pretty much going to be a shootout or car chase at or near the modern equivalent of wherever you’re thinking of.
In defense of the “ya probably need to turn your brain off to enjoy this” cliché label:
1. There is no sequel.
2. The purpose of the film is not to sell merchandise.
That concludes my essay as to why suckers who went to Transformers 2 should go after Shoot ‘em Up instead and become less of a sucker.
Oh, right. And if you have taste, don’t look at me, mang. You go follow whatever Mitch says.
Imagine Guy Richie (Snatch, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Rocknrolla) alongside a writer from CSI does an adaptation of Megaman, only he removes the robots, Megaman is portrayed as a whiny mafia magician cokehead snitch hiding in a tower, all the robot masters are portrayed as different rival assassins, and all of them hitmen are about to attack megaman at the exact same time while somehow removing his heart; the organ heart. Later, Guy Richie hands the project over to Joe Carnahan (writer & director). This is the result.