Now…this shit’s just cool:

Hi my name is Ryker and … sigh… and I love Godzilla movies… 

Luckily for me, some of my favorite Godzilla films have hit Netflix on Xbox Live and are definitely worthy of individual viewing or (better yet) while in a party with your friends.  

Ever since I was a kid, my brothers and I would watch the giant grey lizard destroy Tokyo and kick monster ass every chance we could.  Occasionally, local theaters would run a Godzilla flick and we would drag my Dad to go and see it.  My Dad was quite the trooper as he sat through every one of them, even when we insisted on sitting right up front.  Of course this was during the infamous Showa series of the films that were filmed in the 1960s and 70s.  There were a total of 15 Showa-era films, accounting for over half of the library of work devoted to Godzilla, and probably the work that you are most familiar with. 

In the Showa series, Godzilla starts out as a menacing freak of nature; a warning to mankind for their abuse of nuclear power.  Then, in the fifth film, Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster, Godzilla took the role of a hero. From that point onto the end of the Showa series, Godzilla stayed a hero, protecting Japan against attacks from other monsters, aliens, etc.

The Showa-era films can best be described as campy fun.  There were no deep plots, no character development, and the special effects were marginal at best.  You could tell that Godzilla was a guy in a suit, and nobody seemed to care about that.  In Godzilla vs Magalon (A true classic) Godzilla and Jet Jaguar (A Giant Ultraman like robot) tag team against Magalon and Gigan in what looks to be a poorly choreographed wrestling match.  Godzilla even does a flying drop kick on Gigan, a sight that made my father shake his head.    

For most of us, the Showa-era films are where our knowledge of Godzilla ends.  Oh true that Sony and Mathew Broderick made a monster movie that they called Godzilla, but this was no Godzilla my friends…no sir!  The next two series of films were quite different, and where I will be making my movie recommendations from as they don’t get much play here in the U.S. 

 The Heisei-era Godzilla films were the second of the film series. In total, there were seven Heisei-era films, making them amount to one fourth the total Godzilla movies in existence.  The Heisei-era films differed drastically from the Showa-era films in a variety of ways.  The most prominent difference is that the Godzilla outfit was changed to look much more intimidating than previous suits, and Toho did away with Godzilla being the hero of the films.  While occasionally Godzilla would take the role of an antihero, he was consistently portrayed as a menace to humanity throughout the films.  Perhaps the biggest change we see in the Heisei-era is the plotline.  Each movie happened in some sort of sequence, and generally referenced previous movies to further the plot of the series.  If Godzilla was defeated at the base of Mt. Fuji in one film, he would be spotted again near Mt. Fuji at the beginning of the next.  Characters such as the head of the Tokyo military and several scientists reprise their roles in each film.  It’s like a giant lizard geek soap opera!

It is the Heisei-era where we will begin our dive into modern Godzilla lore, as we look at Godzilla vs King Ghidorah.  This movie was made in 1991 and is the third film in the series.  The first two films were the reboot of Godzilla at the time, and while good they don’t really advance any cannon for Godzilla.  Godzilla fans are quite familiar with King Ghidorah, the three headed, winged beast that often got the best of our hero.  The aliens in the Showa series would often pull King Ghidorah out as a mind-controlled heavy hitter, the Ivan Drago to our beloved Godzilla.  As a kid we would always whisper HOLY SHIT whenever the winged menace showed up because we knew things were gonna get crazy!  

In this movie, King Ghidorah is the catalyst for several changes in the modern Godzilla universe.  The story is kinda goofy, but nonetheless cool.  Time travellers from the 23rd century return to 1992 to warn Japan that Godzilla will cause a catastrophic nuclear incident in the 21st century and suggest a way to rid the world of him forever. They intend to go back to 1944, to where a dinosaur was exposed to radiation from the H-Bomb test and became Godzilla. If they kill the dinosaur, Godzilla would cease to be.  Upon completion of this task, King Ghidorah appears and the visitors’ true plan is discovered; they wish to destroy Japan so it will not become the dominant economic force.  Who will save Japan now? 

This movie is important for a couple of reasons.  First, the movie got panned for anti-American sentiment throughout the film.  The time travelers are from North America so there is a ton of hate on them; and there is a scene where the dinosaur (named a Godzillasuarus) saves Japanese troops during an American attack in WWII.  This makes it an interesting watch for us Yanks.  Secondly, this is the film where Godzilla get’s his make over and becomes a bigger badass then before.  They explain how he gets his new looks and strength, and the appearance is strikingly different.  Finally, this movie sets up some important cannon in the Godzilla universe and sets the ball in motion for some kick ass movies to come.  I won’t spoil the ending, but suffice to say that a reviewer’s quote on Amazon of  “Godzilla…Terminator style,” was quite accurate.

So if you’re like me, and you are a closet Godzilla fan, be sure to check this film out.  If you’re not, but you are looking for some sci-fi fun, get some friends together and have a Godzilla party.  You won’t regret it.

As promised, here they are – unedited – the entries for our Bayonetta contest. Thanks to all who entered and thanks to BenFromOhio for donating the prize.

Oh…and NSFW!!!

Trashonetta

I took the dump truck boss idea and ran with it. Or stole it. Whatever.

Character name: Trashonetta (aka Yuki Yoshiharu)

Sex: Female

Design: Trashonetta is a based on a front loading garbage truck with a clam shell style rear dump. Once just a typical school girl, she was transformed when she was hit by a trash truck full of radioactive waste. After the accident the corrupt politician who was driving put her body in the back of the truck and then abandoned them both in a remote field. In the back with the trash and the radioactive waste, Yuki was left for dead but instead she was transformed and mutated. She grew to stand at just over thirty feet tall and she gained horrible, trash based, powers. She now wears the trash truck like a dress with its headlights as a bra, its clam shell rear door covering her behind and its wheels as roller skates. Her hair is a giant wadded up newspaper that sits on her head like an afro and her hands a dumpsters.

She has three attacks. The first is a basic laser attack from her headlights and the second is a throwing attack where she scoops trash out of her head and throws it at you. For her main attack Trashonetta stops, sticks her butt out at you and looks over her shoulder, touching her fingers to her lips with a “Oh, I’m so naughty!” look. As she does this the rear door of the truck opens with a “BEEP BEEP BEEP” revealing her shapely ass. Soon after this a cloud of noxious gas is released, dealing a great deal of damage to the player and doubling him over so he can’t fight back. It is during her main attack that Trashonetta is vulnerable and the player must run up to her ass and melee attack it in order to defeat her.

Katsumi Clamidia-Son

Here is my entry for the crazy Japanese character contest. It is slightly shocking but I hope it will explain a few things.

Name: Katsumi Clamidia-Son

Gender:Female

Description:Katsumi Clamidia-Son is a crazy bitch. At a glance she appears to be a fairly average person. She has long flowing brown hair, delicate hands, oversized breasts and is extremely overweight. She wears a school girl uniform to help compensate for the fact that she is in her mid forties, overweight and single. These attributes do have a negative effect on the performance of Katsumi Clamidia-Son but she can easily overpower any man. Beneath her uniform lies her very powerful secret. Katsumi Clamidia-Son has a large growth protruding from her vaginal area. This growth has a mind of its own and must be taken care of as if it were a child. The scientific term for this growth is a shrimporis but is commonly referred to as a shrimp by Katsumi. This growth is named after the commonly eaten shrimp and both have a similar smell.

When stimulated the shrimporis grows to an enormous size and devours Katsumi’s enemies. This growth has also been passed on to Katsumi’s offspring who goes by the name of Jessica Chobot. When feeding her shrimp a chipmunk Katsumi misplaced the poor creature and was impregnated a day later. Jessica has the shrimporis of her mother and the cheeks of her father which are perfect for stuffing full of nuts. Jessica cannot take part in traditional intercourse because her shrimporis would tear the poor bastard’s dick clean off leading her to become a master of oral sex.

Well that is it…….

Sincerely,
Sunamic
(more…)

I think all of us can point to cinematic moments that will stay with us forever.  From Luke’s triumphant run on the Death Star to Superman and Lois Lane’s romantic flight over Metropolis, these moments use the latest in technology to help us believe in the fantastic.  Today, Director James Cameron uses the latest in digital technology to bring the fantasy world of Avatar to life.  The end result is perhaps one of the visually stunning things I have ever experienced on screen. 

James Cameron is no stranger to cutting edge visual effects.  In the 90s he used computer graphics to bring the menacing T1000 to life. The results were so amazing that everybody was asking, “how did he do that?”  And nearly every science fiction movie afterward has incorporated CGI to some varying degree (some more effectively than others).  Today, Cameron’s latest film is a triumph of 3D viewing and stereoscopic filmmaking with cameras that were specially designed for the film.  By now we’ve all seen the new 3D movies.  Usually they are relegated to animated films that can easily disguise any limitation that the production may have. They provide depth and the occasional sight gag, but that’s about it.  The difference in Avatar is the 3D is so good, so engrossing, that you actually feel like you are part of the action.  It’s so good in fact that about an hour into the film you actually forget you’re watching a 3D movie; you’re too involved in what’s going on. 

The story comes from a 114 page manuscript that Cameron wrote back in 1994.  Cameron admits he was inspired by every science fiction book he read as a kid and so many themes feel very familiar to us.  The year 2154, and the RDA corporation is mining Pandora, a lush, Earth-like moon for a rare mineral known as Unobtanium.  The local inhabitants called the Na’vi oppose the mining and destruction of their forest home.  To help ensure the mining continues, Parker Selfridge, (Giovanni Ribisi) employs former marines as mercenaries to provide security for the operation. 

Enter Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), a paraplegic marine who is seeking a second chance in the Avatar program.  You see, humans cannot breathe Pandora’s atmosphere, and in an attempt to educate the natives and win their favor, scientists have genetically engineered human/Na’vi hybrid bodies called Avatars, which are controlled by genetically matched human operators. Jake’s twin brother was supposed to pilot the Avatar but was murdered.  And since Jake shared the same genetic code, he is the perfect replacement.   Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver), head of the Avatar Program, considers Jake an inadequate replacement for his brother, relegating him to a bodyguard role.

While Jake is escorting Augustine and biologist Norm Spellman (Joel David Moore) in their Avatar forms, the group is attacked by a large predator, and Jake becomes separated and lost. Attempting to survive the night in Pandora’s dangerous jungles, he is rescued by Neytiri (Zoë Saldaña), a female Na’vi. Neytiri brings Jake back to Hometree, which is inhabited by Neytiri’s clan, the Omaticaya. Mo’at, (C. C. H. Pounder), the Na’vi shaman and Neytiri’s mother have a vision about Jake and she instructs her to teach him their ways.  What follows is a futuristic version of Dances with Wolves as Jake becomes attached the people he has sworn to relocate. 
(more…)

Here we are again…

Twenty-nine years ago today, some piece of shit shot a man who was on his way home. As is usually the case, the piece of shit was insignificant and the the victim was beloved by millions. Fortunately, John Lennon’s work is still with us to enjoy. So take a moment to sit back, listen to “I’m So Tired”, “In My Life”, “Working Class Hero”, or one of the other many classics given to us by one of the greatest songwriters of all time.

And as cliché as this may be, maybe take a moment to let these words sink in.

Imagine there’s no Heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

Happy Thanksgiving!

Phneri talked about this movie after the theatrical release, but it bears mentioning here in SHOCKtober as it was just released on DVD and BluRay. And what a movie it is! Sam Raimi returns to horror after toiling away in the world of Spiderman (wasn’t 3 terrible? Sheesh…) to bring us a mix of modern horror and the classic Raimi stuff that made the Evil Dead flicks so enjoyable.

Christine Brown works as a loan officer at a bank, working for and with a bunch of assholes. But she’s a nice girl looking for a promotion so she doesn’t stand up for herself when people trample all over her. In order to prove herself to her boss, she makes a tough decision to deny a mortgage extension to an old gypsy woman. As you’d guess, the gypsy lady freaks out and puts a curse on Christine. She now has three days to get the curse lifted or she’s going to hell; yanked down by a demon. Throughout the next couple of days, the demon comes around to terrorize and generally fuck with her life in every way. Her boyfriend (played by Justin Long) does his best to help her, along with a local fortune teller. Raimi brings back bits from his old bag of tricks, including a lot of comical gags and bad ass gore.

Drag Me to Hell almost plays like a continuation of the Evil Dead series, with Alison Lohman playing the Bruce Campbell part, though not nearly as snarky or tongue-in-cheek. The bank takes the place of S-Mart and Justin Long takes the place of Linda. That said, I wasn’t bowled over by this movie like I hoped I would be. It’s definitely entertaining, but I could have used either a lot more scares or a lot more of the Raimi off-the-wall style. Nevertheless, definitely check out Drag Me to Hell. It’s one of the more original horror flicks to be released in the last decade.

NSFW.

Strange things are afoot in the #shmups IRC. It happens.

Ambiguously Gay Duo can suck it compared to these guys. *ba-dum-cha*

The 2009 Bait & Switch award goes to this film, hands down. If you saw the trailer (that I refuse to link) and expect this to be a Tarantino action deal with Brad Pit killing ze Nazis, walk away. Brad Pitt isn’t even really a lead role in this. Instead, you get Mélanie Laurent trying to kill Hitler through hours of cloak ‘n dagger shit. Granted, Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, ‘n the rest are trying to kill Hitler also so there’s some crossroads style later, but only much later. The antagonist in the cloak & dagger stuff is super-detective Jew hunter Nazi Christoph Waltz, who appears to be very good at foiling plots.

That’s about it, really; hours of planning to kill Nazis with surprising lack of actually killing Nazis. It’s Valkyrie 2: Blood on the France as told by The Hardy Boys but the action is removed in place of laughing at Brad Pitt’s goofy accents. It’s a polished work as Quentin Tarantino is still very good at his craft. However, Tarantino is always the wild card of the industry and will always do whatever the hell he wants despite what the marketing team tricks you to expect. One of Tarantino’s strong attributes is the flow and detail of the conversations through many of his characters. Unfortunately, two-thirds of the film is subtitled in French and German, so much of that charisma is lost unless you’re trilingual or down with the foreign film scene.

Inglorious Basterds is not a bad film. Still, I honestly cannot recommend it in theater. DVD it when the opportunity arises. In the beginning, Brad Pitt says to something like seven people that all of them owe a hundred Nazi scalps. I was treated to images of four scalps. Somebody sure as hell owes me six hundred ninety-six scalps. My friend who we call “Life Coach” joined up on this and tells me he’s a pretty heavy Tarantino fan but this is the most mediocre movie he’s done. To tell you the truth, I got so bored I can’t even recall how the movie ends. Yeah it was 3am and I was fairly hammered. Either way, harsh times.

This drawing comes to us from Todd Douglass via Robot Panic contributor Dale Kulas. Dale says:

One of my buddies read a couple articles on Robot Panic and listened to a few DGRs and he fell in love with you guys. He sent me this piece of fan art. I don’t know if he happened to forward it to you, but I couldn’t help but pass it in your direction.

Thanks a million for the awesome drawing!