Ok, I’ve gotta come clean about this: I HATE spiders.  They are creepy, and icky and most of them weird me out.  Now before you call me a pussy, you need to know that a buddy of mine dicovered a nest of wolf spiders in Wisconsin. These bastards were crawling all over our cabin. So in a moment of sheer genious this neanderthal thought it would be a good idea to take a broom and sweep them off the ceiling. Unfortunately, most of them landed right on me.  Big, hairy, nasty wolf spiders crawling on and biting me! So I effing hate spiders!!!  (Save for the one who wears the blue and red costume…he’s ok)

So when Steven Speilberg and Frank Marshall released their comedy/horror classic back in 1990, I was more than a little reluctant to see it. The movie is about a scientific expedition that discovers a remote part of Venezuela. They fog the air and capture a ton of rare insects, icluding a new species of spider. Now, this isn’t a giant spider the size of a VW bus or anything, but it’s rather large. (Say the size a snapping turtle…big enough for me to stay the heck away that is for sure). One of these spiders bites an explorer and instantly kills him. It then stows away in his coffin and winds up in the small American town of Canaima. The big, hairy monster sneaks away and mates with a common house spider and she beigns to produce an army of smaller, yet just as deadly, killer spiders.

The movie stars Jeff Daniels as a new town doctor who is struggling to determine why residents of this small town are dying so suddenly. He also has a huge fear of spiders, and this will be very important in the later reels of the film. John Goodman has a small but entertaining role as the local exterminator who joins Daniels in his quest to stop the spiders before they become an even bigger problem. 

Like most Speilberg movies, this one has his a special magic too it. The movie is extremely well done and has a great mixture of both scares and laughs. Goodman’s performance is exceptional and you can’t help but laugh when you see him on screen.  The last forty-five minutes of this film had me on the edge of my seat as it was quite suspenseful and (at least for me) scary as hell. I’m sorry, but if some big-ass spider was hiding in my dark and moldy wine cellar, there is NO WAY I’m going down there. Moe can handle that one! 

So whether you are creeped out by spiders, or just looking for a fun, suspenseful movie this Halloween, be sure to check out Arachnophobia, it’s well worth your time.

I was having a discussion over lunch with one of my good nerd-hip friends and I had to gasp (and gasp aloud) when I discovered that he had not seen a single episode of Dexter!  I had to take his nerd card and cut a corner off of it and immediately banished him to his room to watch Dexter.  It was then that I realized that there may be some Robot Panic followers who have also never seen this show.  To this I must ask, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? 

Ok, I’m sorry. I know that a lot of us don’t get Showtime and that used to be a valid excuse not to watch great television, but since every one of these seasons are available to rent on DVD and Bluray; OR you can watch streaming from Netflix, there simply isn’t an excuse anymore.  So if you are one of those people who haven’t experienced Dexter and all its awesomeness, quickly read this article, stop whatever you were doing (important or not) and start watching this show.  Like NOW people, I mean it!   

Okay, so aside from being one of the most cleverly written dramas I have ever seen, Dexter centers on a blood spatter analyst named Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) who just happens to moonlight as a serial killer. (Let that absurdity sink in for just a minute and then read on). But Dexter isn’t just an ordinary serial killer, he has a personal code. For you see, Dexter only kills other killers. This unique aspect to a troubled character makes him extremely likeable and yet considerably confusing. We cheer for Dexter as he wipes out yet another bad guy, but we wonder all along if he’ll ever lose it completely and become one of them.  It’s this internal struggle that Dexter has and how he adeptly tries to blend in with ordinary people who can’t possibly understand him, that makes this show so incredibly addicting. 

The first season of Dexter aired in 2006 and was loosely based on the book Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsey. Later, the series would allow the character and the story to evolve and were written by James Manos Jr., the writer for the pilot episode. I will admit that the first few episodes of Dexter can be kind of hard to watch. The show starts off very bloody and this can be quite shocking to your casual viewer. But then again, Dexter is supposed to be shocking, it is what makes the show so great. My wife is a good example of a casual Dexter viewer. On one hand I can often hear her cry, “Oh my lord that is terrible,” only to ask me later if Dexter was okay at  the end of the show.

There are tropes and stereotypes that television series have long honored, and Dexter seems to break each and every one of them. For example, Dexter has a girlfriend named Rita. But does he have this relationship to appear normal or does he really care for her?  We then begin to question all of Dexter’s relationships, are they real or are they a facade? And when the facade becomes real, well that’s when things get really confusing for Dexter. For he is a man completely out of touch with the concept of genuine feelings. These and many questions like it pop up in every episode, and that is great television!

Finally, Dexter is addicting and suspenseful.  Like all serial killers, Dexter makes mistakes now and then. He inadvertently leaves clues about who he really is, and we watch in suspense as Dexter gets oh-so-close to being found out. I think life is like that for many of us, the thrill of getting caught doing something we know is wrong  and yet we do it anyway.      

I could say a whole lot more, but I’d rather have you experience Dexter for yourself. Seasons 1 and 2 are available right now on Netflix instant streaming. If you are like me, you’ll get hooked right away and watch the entire season in a couple of sittings. The story for season one can stand on its own, but the underlying stories that develop from that point forward are just too good to deprive yourself from, and SHOCKtober is the perfect time of year to get acquainted with the likes of Dexter Morgan.

We end our Sunday SHOCK Theater with a real doozie, the 1988 Dutch film The Vansihing (Spoorloos).  Directed by George Sluizer, The Vanishing is regarded as one of the top 10 scariest movies of all time.  What makes The Vanishing so intense is not that it’s got a ton of gore or hoards of unstoppable monsters.  It’s frightening because it’s all too real and it strikes at inherent fears that lurk inside us all. 

Adapted by the novel The Golden Egg, The Vanishing  is about a young Dutch woman named Saskia Wagter (Johanna ter Steege) who disappears from a rest stop along a highway in rural France.  Her lover, Rex Hofmann (Gene Bervoets), cannot accept her disappearance and embarks on an obsessive search for her spanning years.  Soon Rex’s quest becomes laughable to everyone but two people; himself, and the individual who knows where Saskia is.

The writing and performances in this film are top notch, and the last hour of the film will have you on the edge of your seat.  So come join us for a haunting experience that will stick with you for quite some time; this Sunday, 7:00 PM CST on Xbox Live….See you there friends…

I’m gonna start right off the bat here by saying that this movie is damn effective and probably the scariest movie I’ve seen all year.

The Strangers is a story of home invasion…on crack. Liv Tyler and her would-be fiancé arrive at his family’s secluded summer home late at night. The place is dark, quiet, and, most importantly, secluded. There isn’t anyone for miles. Then, there’s a knock on the door. A loud knock. An almost threatening knock. It’s 3am. Who the hell’s knocking on the door at this hour? It’s a girl looking for someone who’s not there. They can’t see her face. It’s too dark and her face is obscured. They close the door, but a while later she comes back. Is she drunk? High? They find out shortly that it’s much worse than that and they’re in for a night of hell.

Horror movies rarely “work” for me the way The Strangers did. The moment that knock hit the door, I was invested. The moment the guy in the mask crept out from the dark (see the poster), I was freaked out. And for the rest of the evening, every sound I heard in my house was that of a potential threat. Like I said, this shit was effective.

I highly recommend cozying up on the couch with a loved one, turning off the lights, and watching the film just before bed time. The ambiance of this film is top notch, and due to the subject matter there’s a good chance you’ll be haunted by it long after it’s through.

“Why are you doing this to us?”
“Because you were home.”

I will admit up front that I am not a huge fan of torture porn. Watching innocent people get cut from limb to limb slowly for the sheer shock value just doesn’t cut it for me; and I haven’t watched either Hostel for just that very reason.  The Saw series, on the other hand, intrigued me because those movies are more than just violent acts, they are intricate puzzles, and until recently the endings of said films revealed an even bigger puzzle that most people didn’t see at all.  I can respect being grossed out, scared, and brought to think at the same time. So when Marcus Dunston released what was rumored to be a Saw prequel, I was immediately intrigued.   

Originally titled The Midnight Man, The Collector deals with a unique serial killer, who hunts wealthy victims, sets elaborate traps in their homes, and kills all but one, leaving that poor victim to rot in a trunk as bait for the next target household.  Enter the Chase family, a well-to-do couple who have just bought a huge house in the middle of nowhere. Among the contractors is an ex-con named Arkin, who is hired to fix the windows and the doors.  We learn that he is married, but that his wife has a debt with dangerous sharks and needs money. Arkin’s honestly earned money is hardly enough to pay off the debt, so he plans to heist the safe of Michael Chase during the night to raise the necessary cash. However, when he arrives in the house, he finds that a sadistic criminal has imprisoned the family and planted traps everywhere. Can Arkin escape this sadistic killer and return to his wife and daughter?

One can argue that we have seen this kind of film before; sadistic killer, deadly traps, it’s just like Saw. That’s where I do have to differ with folks as The Collector is more than just simple puzzles. It is a ninety-minute game of cat and mouse.  At first, Arkin is very much aware that there is a killer in the house, but the collector is not aware of him. Arkin tries to sidestep dangerous traps in order to get his money and perhaps save a family member or two.  Once the killer discovers that he is no longer alone, it’s a whole new game of chase and the tension level rises. We also see that Arkin isn’t just an ordinary criminal, as most would have grabbed the money and ran like hell. Instead, Arkin risks his life to save the Chase family making him an unlikely hero.

These fresh elements make The Collector extremely fun to watch.  If you are fan of the Saw series I highly recommend that you check this film out.

Just about three years ago, After Dark studios released a series of movies as part of a HorrorFest campaign.  It was cleverly titled 8 Films to Die For and was touted as being too scary and shocking for theatrical release. It was a cool concept as these films would be shown over one weekend at different times at your local theater. Each ticket purchased would get you in to see two films. Ticket sales for this event however, were lackluster and even the die-hard horror fans admitted that the films were less than stellar. However, this didn’t stop After Dark from doing subsequent HorrorFest weekends and the films that have been released have gotten better and better. 

Last year’s HorrorFest ran in January and had its crop of good and bad films.  One of those films, Dread, is a retelling of a Clive Barker story from his Book of Blood series.  Now, I am a huge Clive Barker fan. He has some fantastical stories and lately they have been made into exceptional films (e.g. The Midnight Meat Train).  So when positive reviews came out on this film, I just had to check it out. 

Barker begins his story with this line, “There is no delight the equal of dread,” and there could be no truer statement to describe this film. The story focuses on three college students who are producing a documentary on what people are afraid of. This research project seems simple enough, but the project leader, a young man named Quaid (brilliantly protrayed by Shaun Evans), has ulterior motives.  For when Quaid was young, he watched as his family was brutally murdered. Since the,n he has been haunted by horrific nightmares. It is Quaid’s hope that in studying what makes other people afraid, he can rid himself of the dread that lies deep within his soul. 

Dread is a psychological thriller and as such it doesn’t rely on a lot of gore to shock and scare you. Die-hard gore fans will get about five minutes of glee in the beginning of the film and then wait most of  the film until its fantastic payoff. This is quite the accomplishment, for this story could easily have gone the route of Saw and provided us with tons of torture scenes. Instead, we are treated to watching a man slowly go insane, and we sit on the edge of our seats waiting for him to snap. And once Quaid does snap, the lengths he goes to find what he is searching for are quite horrifying. 

I really loved this film, and if you are a horror or Clive Barker fan it is a must watch.  So turn off the lights and grab your teddy bear, as Dread is one powerfully suspenseful ride!

PS I tried to find a trailer didn’t didn’t give as much of the movie away.  Like with many other films here, avoid the trailer if you are serious about watching the flick. 

Despite its campy reputation and how absurd it eventually became, I love the Friday the 13th series. And yes, nearly every one of them follows the exact same format and Jason is little more than a Michael Myers ripoff. But I don’t care. In the mid-80s, when I was a kid, Jason was the movie monster and Friday the 13th was the slasher series. (Along with Freddy and A Nightmare on Elm Street, of course).

So why choose Part III? Not to spoil the first two movies (both of which are excellent, by the way), but this is the first time we actually see Jason in the now-famous hockey mask. See, Jason didn’t start as a lumbering Myers ripoff. Hell, he barely featured in the first flick at all. But this is where the Jason Voorhees icon that we all identify with began, which is kind of strange, if you think about it.

Part III plays out exactly as you’d expect. A bunch of teens head out into the woods and, one by one, they get picked off by Jason. It’s cliched, it’s expected, and it’s awesome. Again, if you like your slashers to be by-the-numbers, this is about as close as you’ll get.

As you can see by the poster, this flick was originally released in 3D, with all of the cheesy effects you can probably imagine. If you absolutely must see it in its “original” state, you can buy the 3D (red and blue glasses) version here. But I recommend picking up the Friday the 13th – From Crystal Lake to Manhattan (Ultimate Edition DVD Collection). For $50 you get the entire series. And that is one hell of a deal.

I am quite sure that most of us are familiar with Rankin and Bass, the creators of such classic holiday favorites as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  As a kid, and even as an adult, I watched these stop-motion classics with a wide-eyed sense of wonder.  There is something magical about how Rankin and Bass use stop motion animation to bring holiday classics to life; not to mention all the catchy tunes found in these holiday shorts.  But Rankin and Bass’ love for the holidays didn’t stop with Christmas and New Years. They added their special magic to Halloween as well in this 1967 classic Mad Monster Party.  (The original title actually has a question mark at the end so we’re not really sure if they are making a statement or asking a question).

The story follows Dr. Frankenstein (voiced by the master himself, Boris Karloff) as he decides to retire, leaving his monstrous estate business to his nerdy nephew, Felix Flankin (Allen Swift, aka Underdog).   The good Doctor plans to announce his decision at a convention of monsters that includes Doctor Frankenstein’s monster and the Bride of Frankenstein (voiced by Phyllis Diller), Frankenstein’s seductive laboratory assistant Francesca (resembling a caricature of Ginger Grant from Gilligan’s Island), Dracula, the Werewolf, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Invisible Man, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde, The Mummy, and many more.  However, when Felix proves to be an incompetent (and unsuitably kind-hearted) human, the monsters plot to eliminate him and gain control of Frankenstein’s latest discovery: the secret of total destruction!

For monster fans this movie is fantastic!  There are tons of inside jokes about the characters, like what is underneath the mummy’s wrap anyways?  (Turns out not much at all, if you can believe that).  The voice acting is phenominal as Karloff and Diller steal the show.  You probably won’t be able to tell, but Allen Swift does most of the other characters in the movie on his own. I found this to be quite amazing as each character is so unique, you can’t tell they are voiced by one man. In tradition with other Rankin and Bass productions, there are catchy songs that you and your kids will be singing along to in no time.

If you have kids, you probably own copies of Rankin and Bass’ Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town don’t you?  If so, you owe it to yourself and all things Halloween to go and grab a copy of Mad Monster Party right now.  It’s a film you will want to bring out and watch each and every year!

Sorry to geek out here, but look at that fucking poster! The big, fish-lipped creature, the hot chick swimming away, the scuba divers in the background… My God…it’s fucking perfect.

Creature from the Black Lagoon is classic rubber-suited sci-fi/horror that inspired dozens of copycats. Traveling in the Amazon, an archaeologist discovers the remains of a creature unlike anything ever seen before. He assumes it’s a fossil of an ancient creature long extinct, but little does he know, another one of these creatures still exists. Not only that, but it’s been killing just about every human with whom he’s come into contact. Appearing as half human, half fish, the “creature” is soon captured. After escaping, he kidnaps Kay (played by Julie Adams) because he’s fallen in love with her, King Kong style. And, of course, once her fiancé sets off to rescue her, shit goes haywire in classic monster-movie fashion.

This movie is one of the best examples of 1950s sci-fi horror. Yes, like Them! it’s incredibly corny by today’s standards and the creature costume is goofy at best. The acting is stilted and the effects are absolutely laughable. But with a bowl of popcorn and some viewing companions, Creature from the Black Lagoon is a great time.

When I was a kid my Dad treated me to the classic horror movies of his day. Movies such as Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman were not only great films, but foundational to the horror genre that we know today. I think it’s important to revist these films this time of year and watch masters of their craft hard at work. Well this week we’ll be watching one of the last of these horror classics, the 1963 masterpiece The Raven. With a cast the like of Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, and Peter Lorre how could you expect a film to get any better?  What  if I told you it was directed by one of the masters himself, Roger Corman?  If you are a fan of the genre and have not treated yourself to this film, you definately need to show up and watch!

Loosly based on the poem by Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven follows the story of sorcerer Dr. Erasmus Craven (Vincent Price).  Craven has been mourning the death of his wife Lenore for over two years, much to the chagrin of his daughter Estelle.  One night he is visited by a raven, who happens to be a transformed wizard, Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre).  Together they brew a potion that restores Bedlo to his human form.  Bedlo explains he had been transformed by the evil Dr. Scarabus (Boris Karloff) in an unfair duel.  Craven and Bedlo decide to exact revenge on Scarabus and search for Craven’s wife’s ghost. 

This movie is a ton of fun and even has a few suprises and cameos of stars of today back when they were quite young.  See if you can pick them out when you join us this Sunday at 7:00 PM CST on Xbox Live!