Television – WTF!!!
Like most of us, I spend a lot of time on the couch enjoying all forms of digital entertainment. Occasionally I am intrigued by something new that the network weasels they to pawn off on us as “good television.” Normally, I keep what I find to myself, but some recent channel surfing has enlightened me (and I use that term loosely) to a few shows that deserve some discussion.
Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura – TruTV
Those of us who call Minnesota home are more than familiar with the former Governor of our fine state. I will humbly admit that I enjoyed his antics when he was Jesse “The Body” Ventura and his war with Hulk Hogan is worthy of an epic poem. But when Jesse hit the airwaves on a local radio station, we all soon began to realize that Mr. Ventura had taken too many blows to the head. To Jesse, everything was a conspiracy and he would often just start talking about aliens in the White House or some other fantastical thing. Of course, he became the Governor of this fine state which was very funny…well, at least in the beginning it was.
Somehow this title of Governor gives some sense of truth and credibility to the holder and thus TruTV gave Jesse a shot to investigate – or let’s be honest…pretend to investigate – the many urban myths and conspiracy theories that exist today. Of course TruTV is the perfect spot to air such a show, just look at their stellar line up: “The Smoking Gun Presents,” “Operation Repo,” “Inside American Jail” and “Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel.” Fine entertainment if you ask me.
His first show dealt with HAARP, the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, an array of antennae in the Alaskan wilderness that shoots bursts of electricity into the ionosphere. The array is said by some to have the capacity to change the weather, cause earthquakes and control the human mind. My wife recorded it out of morbid curiosity and it was what I had expected it to be…a train wreck. Mr. Ventura’s crack team of investigators get interviews with people that nobody else can, or that nobody else cares about, I forget. And Jesse himself stands outside the HAARP facility demanding they let him in, and when they of course deny him he spouts off saying, “I get angry when I don’t get what I want.” Right…
Of course I could have lived with Jesse and his cute little show; that is until in episode #2 when he went after the 911 conspiracy. I have to digress for a moment and explain to everyone that I was actually on a jet to New York that morning and several people I was to meet with that day died in the tower collapse, so I am closer to the event than most. I watched with my mouth agape as Jesse tried to convince his viewers that the government used some super-flammable paint in these buildings in order to bring them down on purpose. I’m an old guy, I’ve seen a lot, but I have never felt more insulted with what I saw on TV that night. Not only was it preposterous, but it taints the memory of so many who lost their lives that day, including many rescue workers. It was beyond bad taste. Shame on you TruTV…
Cookalong Live with Gordon Ramsay – Fox
The next piece of garbage I need to discuss actually comes from Fox…imagine that! Now I’m a huge Gordon Ramsey fan. I started watching his show on BBCA a few years ago and was excited when they announced him for “Hell’s Kitchen.” I like Gordon for a few reasons. First, he has high standards; there is a right way to do things and if you’re not doing it right you’re impedance to his own success. We could all learn a lot about excellence from Gordon. Second, he calls a spade a spade. If the food sucks, he’s not afraid to tell people “dude this tastes like ass…try again.” Finally, Gordon does celebrate success. This is important, because if all he ever did was criticize people he’s just be a prick. But when someone gets it right, he’ll tell them “great job,” or “I’m proud of you.” Again, managers of America, pay attention!
So when I am skipping through the channels Tuesday and see Gordon Ramsey doing his best Julia Childs impression on a live cooking show I knew right away what was going on; Fox was diminishing Gordon’s brand in order to make a quick buck. Shocking, I know. The premise of the show is simple. Ingredients for the dishes can be downloaded and printed out, along with utensils you will need to make your dish. Then viewers could watch Gordon, and some celebrities, cook a quick meal and follow along at home. There are two problems with the concept as I saw it. First, the ingredients would cost you around $100 and that’s not something most of us can afford to do right now. And second, the show is just fucking terrible. Gordon, you’re a master chef who inspires so many others to be as good as you, you’re not Jay Leno. Despite its live nature you could tell the show was scripted and so many one-liners just fell right off the table. Please Gordon, take your check and call it a day, you’re damaging your brand, man!
I have to wrap things up, but some other shows of note include:
The Jeff Dunham Show – Comedy Central
Puppets are good in short doses and 30 minutes is just too long my friend. NOT funny!
Brothers – Fox
CCH Pounder…RUN! Run as fast as you can from this tripe!!!
Sit Down Shut Up – Fox
Last episode was three weeks ago, really? What was it again?
Dollhouse- Fox
Hey Joss Wheden, we love you but Fox does not. Please take your imagination and hard work to someone who gets it.
John and Kate Plus 8 – TLC
Thank God, TLC pulled the plug on this show. For the kids sake, I hope both Mom and Dad can figure out that being a good parent is more important than their fifteen minutes of fame and the money that goes with it.
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Tags: Crappy TV, Fox Weasals, Gordon Ramsey, Jesse Ventura, television
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 am
Jesus…those are some interesting selections there, sir.
Oh, and Jesse Ventura is a fucking moron.
January 5th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
I’ve been watching the Conspiracy Theory show and I just love it. It’s pretty much Jessie going around saying “I want information that proves the topic of this weeks show right! If you don’t give it to me then you are lying and evil!” It’s completely void of any actual investigating and research.