Transformers 2
Article By: Ryker XL
Call me what you want, but I’m a pretty big Transformers nerd. I watched the cartoon when I was younger, graduated to the Japanese sagas that came later, and thoroughly enjoyed the CGI “Beast Wars” that came out a few years ago. Heck, I even collected the comics for a long run (mint condition issue #1 anyone?). So I was more than excited when the latest installment of the Transformer universe was to hit the big screen. I enjoyed the first movie immensely and even shared a “geek Dad” moment with my son as he reminded me who Optimus Prime was. So Tiny and I headed off to the theater last weekend to enjoy a second helping of giant robot goodness.
Sadly my hopes for something great were quickly dashed within the first fifteen minutes of this film.
Ever sit at the dinner table at Thanksgiving and marvel at all the delicious food, only to eat so damn much of it that you actually get sick and it ruins your day? That’s how I felt after watching “Transformers 2.” Director Michael Bay must feel that the best way to make a sequel is to throw 10 times MORE STUFF into the film. It’s two and a half hours of more explosions, more robots (reportedly 46), and more special effects. The editing at times made me feel like Bay actually had enough film to make a three hour extravaganza, but had to cut it down to get more showings. I honestly stopped counting the nonsensical jump cuts at 25.
What this film doesn’t have MORE of is plot, witty dialogue, or character development. For me the Transformers is all about the robots. Each one of them has a unique personality and how they behave in this galactic civil war adds to the cannon. Starscreem for example plays a very Shakespearean role of the power hunger servant looking for his chance to over throw Megatron and lead the Decepticons. While the first movie had some of that, this sequel has absolutely none. Robots just appear out of nowhere and start blowing stuff up. Tiny asked me several times who some of them where, I honestly couldn’t tell.
So instead of focusing on the Transformers themselves, who they are and why they do what they do, Bay allows us to see how we humans would interact with them. He does this by focusing even more on Sam Witwicky, played by the immensely talented Shia LeBeouf. We follow Sam as he leaves his HOT girlfriend (Megan Fox and seriously, the BEST part of this movie) and stupid parents to go to college. There he is possessed by a fragment of the all spark, and almost killed by equally hot Decepticon slutbot that seduces him. He and his new buddy Leo Spitz hook up with former Sector 7 commander Reggie Simmons to jaunt around the world in search of the Shard of Leadership that will save Optimus Prime. Honestly, I don’t care what the humans do in these movies, they should be secondary to the robots. But apparently Bay doesn’t believe an audience would buy into that so he focuses on the humans instead. He does this so well that there is a long chunk in the middle of the movie where we can all enjoy the acting prowess of the human characters with no real robot action whatsoever. Several jokes were tossed into these conversations, none of them even remotely funny.
Bay does introduce us to two new Autobots that I really wish we had LESS of. “Mudflap” and “Skids” are two Jar Jar Bings like Autobots that accompany Sam and Bumblebee as they attempt to find the shard that will revive a fallen Optimis Prime. Bay describes the antics of these two fools as that of “The Little Engine that Could.” I’m sorry but I never read childish antics, nor Ebonic dialogue in that classic tale. I cringed every time these robots talked knowing that something stupid was about to come out. There is even a scene where one of them appears t bite the farm, a smattering of applause was heard in my theater.
When it was all over I was left with this giant mess of a movie. I tried to wrap my head around what happened and where the story was going, and honestly couldn’t. I asked Tiny how he liked it…”Best movie ever!” Ok, I could see that, kids don’t necessarily need movies that make sense, or acting that is above that of a high school drama class. Tons of giant robots running around blowing stuff up for a few hours is great fun for them. To that end the movie has some merit; for kids and those who are more adept at checking everything out their brain when sit down in the theater, this movie can be enjoyable. For the rest of us, I would save your money and wait for the Directors cut of this film on DVD.
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Tags: michael bay, revenge of the fallen, summer blockbuster, tranformers
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:36 am
You know, I’m getting tired of the “Just turn off your brain and enjoy it!” defense. I mean, there are really great action movies that still manage to have some heart and some brains. Why should I have to settle for bombastic action scenes with little semblance of a plot? Besides, at some point, you might as well stare at a screen flashing colors and loud noises for two hours.
Face it: If you have to turn your brain off in order to enjoy it, it’s NOT a good movie.
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
@ Mitch OR maybe people need breaks from being smart sometimes (PLEASE don’t say shit about this)
After seeing it twice and having my fanboy hormones calm down, I can say that I agree with you on this Ryker XL. While I enjoyed the movie both times I saw it (I was also tired as hell both times, was only able to get into the 9:30 showings both times. The thing is, things in the movie (characters, plots locations) were picked up and dropped randomly through out the film making it hard to follow things. The thing about Mud Flap and Skid, they were huge hit’s in my town. Every one loved them, Did I also mention that I live in the Canadian version of Texas?
For TF3 to be better, they will need a few things.
1) Ditch most of the human cast, and replace a few of the kind of important characters with better actors (They might as well keep Shia and Meagan at this point)
2) Have a Large Robot cast, but make sure at least most of them get a decent amount of screen time, and not just as them driving/flying around.
3) Stay closer to the continuity already made in the comics and cartoons. The fucking Matrix of Leadership didn’t turn on a giant cannon to destroy the fucking sun.
4) Replace the fucking script writers with people that know how to write something good.
5) Don’t use fucking Michal Bay, I would like to suggest that he be replaced by Zack Snyder
Ok, I’ve said my piece
July 3rd, 2009 at 6:46 pm
2 and a half hours for what is essentially a kid’s movie is way too long.
Also, there were some odd choices that didn’t make any sense as to why they were included in the movie:
Devastator has balls.
The two idiotic, completely racial stereotyped twin robots.
Pot brownies.
John Turturro in a thong.
The surprising amount of swearing in the movie.
All this adds up to a movie I would feel uncomfortable in bringing my kid to go see. I know kids grow up fast these days, but some of this stuff is kinda risque. Maybe I’m getting old? Some of these things seemed like some kind of half ass, not funny gag that would be seen in movies like “Epic Movie” or “Meet The Spartans”.
And for the most part, the Starscream/ Megatron feud seemed to be shown more than it was in the first movie. Yeah, it could have been elaborated on more, but so could a lot of things.
The smattering of nameless robots was kinda ridiculous. Like for instance, Arcee has two other identical twins? The giant wheel leg robot was never named. And I for one could not understand that Scottish old robot, so I’m shit out of luck if he ever said his own name.
Overall, I really think that you can tell the audience to turn off their brains and just enjoy and movie. Sure, we get some summer action flicks with brains, but more often than not, we don’t.
If you really went into Transformers 2 with expectations of sitting in your chair and crying from the heart wrenching drama or exclaiming aloud when the Autobots triumph over the Decepticons, than you are going to see this movie for all the wrong reasons. Sure, things could be better. The acting, the script or whatever. But if Transformers 2 isn’t your favorite movie ever, guess what? There are only a trillion other movies to watch. Maybe at some point in life, we might get a Transformers movie that blows our fucking minds, but I’m gonna lean to the negative. It just won’t be that kind of movie. Think of Transformers as a tech demo for all the cool CGI advancements in the film industry.
From time to time, I can get on the internet and bitch my head off about some movie, but I can find good things about my most hated movie.
Most importantly, I’m not sure about you guys, but I recently bought the Transformers Season 1 DVD and have since rewatched it. Honestly, the show sucked dick. Shitty animation, shitty plots, shitty dialogue, but add in a dose of nostalgia and a heap of Peter Pan syndrome, and you don’t mind.
So, when people bitch about the new movies sucking dick, remember the source material. This whole franchise was based on selling toys, the story came second.
July 3rd, 2009 at 7:33 pm
But Aaron, ALL action movies are escapist cinema. You don’t need to make a movie brainless to make it fun. I mean, look at Die Hard or Serenity. Those are great movies that are also a lot of fun without having to resort to dumbing things down beyond belief.
July 3rd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I’m a big Transformers fan. I admit that the original series isn’t that great looking back. It was nothing more than a toyline. But Beast Wars had great writing for a kids cartoon and Animated isn’t bad either. A Transformers movie in this age should be much better than it is now. I haven’t read any of the comics, but they might have some good writing in them too.
Transformers: Rise of the Fallen just further proves that Michael Bay is incapable of making a half decent -scratch that- a quarter decent movie. Every movie he has been involved in has sucked. I’m glad I have been lucky enough to never spend any of my money on his crap.
And Mitch, no fan of “Take your brain out” movies have to do such an action because they don’t have a brain in the first place.
July 3rd, 2009 at 7:51 pm
@Mitch: Die Hard was the first action movie I thought of when reading your first post. Great example.
July 3rd, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Bay is already on board for TF3, and they are shooting for a 2011, 2012 release.
The new robots in the film were all rejects from designs forTF1. Bay said let’s make them all. I’m cool with new robots, just tell me who they are and why I should care about them.
I too can turn off my brain once an awhile. Popcorn movies can be fun. But let’s make sure they are well made too. I guess it’s the curse of being a former Producer, you learn what good is supposed to look like. The movie got way too messy for me, and I enjoyed only because Tiny was having so much fun.
Finally, “Attack of the Show” (G4) hosts Kevin Perrera and Olivia Munn got to go to the premiere. They left after 30 minutes to “get some air.” They admitted on Tuesday that they just couldn’t stand the movie so they left. G4 hosts…walk out of your movie…sorry that says something.
July 5th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Just rewatched the first, and I have to say it was much better, it just wasn’t so confusing and had a stright forward plot
July 6th, 2009 at 10:53 am
[...] concludes my essay as to why suckers who went to Transformers 2 should go after Shoot ‘em Up instead and become less of a [...]