Your Goddamn Horoscope: Apr 12th – 18th

April 12th, 2009 by Ian (DJI)

Pices
You will discover an egg. Then you will fry it and eat it.

Aquarius
You will discover an egg. Then you will give it to your child.

Capricorn
You will discover an egg. It will be covered in chocolate with that crispy shell stuff like an M&M. It tastes pretty good.

Sagittarius
You will discover an egg. Then you’ll notice it’s a Cadbury egg and it’s shrunk a crapload than past years because of the economy. Or Cadbury are just cheap asses.

Scorpio
You will discover an egg. Then you and your girl or guy are going to panic and somebody is going to run out to CVS to get some Plan B emergency contraception.

Libra
You will discover an egg. It will belong to a cute bird and maybe you should put it back in the bird nest or something.

Virgo
You will discover an egg. But it will be caviar, so you might be expected to eat it.

Leo
You will discover an egg. But the egg will be imaginary because you’ll be really really high.

Cancer
You will discover an egg. It probably has a robot inside you got from the Robot Panic booth at MGC. Ok, the container probably doesn’t look like an egg, but you’ll treat it like one. It’s sorta round…like an egg.

Gemini
You will discover an egg. Then you’ll realize you’re watching that “this is your brain on drugs” ad from the 90s on youtube. Don’t do drugs, kids. Ok, just a few, but not heroin.

Taurus
You will discover an egg. But it might actually be poo instead so don’t eat it or anything. Rabbit turds are not pleasant.

Aries
You will discover an egg. But don’t pick it up because you might end up like that one girl who got her arm ripped off when she found an egg.

Luthor
You will discover an egg. It will be loaded with alcohol.

Related Posts

Tags:

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 12th, 2009 at 5:14 pm and is filed under Announcements, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “Your Goddamn Horoscope: Apr 12th – 18th”

  1. Hilden Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 8:57 am

    Sweet HELL. I just looked at that linked article on the 13 year old girl and the bear trap. Good lord, the thought is horrible and disturbing.

    Who the FUCK leaves a bear trap out anyway?!?

  2. Wolf-Bot Says:
    April 14th, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    I don’t think I will ever pick up anything from the ground again.
    Well just not eggs.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.