Texting with SimpleNate
Exiting college and/or army into our legitimate spirit-crushing jobs, our two heroes DJ Incompetent and SimpleNate engage in periodic text dialogues about nothing. Nate’s big bad iPhone chronicles these satisfactory bits where he throws them on a website that bares plugging: nateserefine.com
You may read our elegant philosophizing to your heart’s content.
1337 *eyeroll* acroyms and hip-rad slang got bracketized for readability.
My name is Ian. Pleased to meet you.
on current events:
-Nate: Did you sign up for the early NXE [New Xbox Experience] thing? Are you creating your very own Xii RIGHT NOW?!?
-Ian: Ugh… I’ll prefer for Live to crash in 2 days instead of now, thanks. I better be able to keep my gamerpic…
-Nate: You can. I have no tubes, so no update for me yet. RA 3 [Red Alert] got delivered, so when I get back I’m ready to kill commies whenever you are.
-Ian: Nice. Hit me up about it when you get back and I’ll go buy the game.
-Nate: I’ll be back Friday afternoon, but I probably won’t have much time to play this weekend. If you want to pick it up so we can play during the week, that’d be good.
-Ian: Yeah, I can probably swing that.
-Nate: If not, don’t worry about it. I can wait.
-Ian: Credit bill was less than expected. Also, Chrono Trigger hits next week. So I’d be buyin something anyway.
-Nate: Right on. I’ll hit you up for some full motion video (!!) cutscenes of hot girls in military uniform. Huzzah!
-Ian: Haha. Soul Cal[ibur IV] makes me jaded to hot chicks. Their FMVs better have breakaway clothing.
-Nate: You have a point, sir. Everything should have breakaway clothing that sounds like metal breaking. I should write a letter to my congressman asking for legislation to be passed.
-Ian: I know, right? I mean, my shirt is breakaway with unexplained metal sounds. When I throw my shirt on the floor at night it sounds like a crumbling tea set.
-Nate: When we do laundry, it sounds like a Ford F-250 assembly plant after squirrels get into the equipment.
-Ian: Hahaha. I know if I folded 8 pairs of socks, those can double as pistons for a V8 engine. I might go buy a bag of Hanes and rebuild my engine after work.
-Nate: Fuck, why WOULDN’T you? You could armor-plate it by wrapping it in a pair of jeans while you’re at it…
-Ian: Wrap some The North Face snow vests around an SUV. Call it a Hummer H4.
-Nate: It’s a wonder why people don’t already do this. It’s like luxury on top of luxury. Add in a latte and you have the ultimate douche.
-Ian: Dunno, man. Does this mean Chinese Sweat-shop workers are really steel mill operators? That would explain the mass pollution. and the gaaaaayyy
-Nate: According to Moe Sizlack, the entire steel industry is gay, so there you go.
-Ian: Sucks to be communist. No wonder they have 1 child per couple law… per gay couple.
-Nate: The child is gay, too.
-Ian: Werd.
on the economy:
-Ian: Regan’s not home tonight. Wanna play Soul Cal?
-Nate: Stressing over finances. Might not be done for awhile…
-Ian: Fair enough. We can be next door neighbors when we move into our respective cardboard boxes.
-Nate: Lexi and I will have to share a box with a family of scrappy immigrants.
-Ian: Haha. I will have to rent my box from rats and cats. They will be my landlords.
on the vice presidential debate:
-Ian: Nuc-u-lar!
-Nate: Holy fuck, I KNOW!
-Nate: Also, let me be the first to coin the phrase Sarah Palin = Epic Failin’ to describe last night.
-Ian: Hahaha. Fundamentally nucular indeed.
-Nate: I just kept thinkong of that simpsons episode where homer was “correcting” someone (I think Grimes) on how to pronounce it. ‘Nu-cu-lar. It’s pronounced nu-cu-lar’.
-Ian: Thats what I was thinking at the time. And then biden wasn’t as cool as i thought he would be. at least he could form sentences and not randomly change topic
-Nate: Yeah, i was hoping for some more color from him…
Maybe if he showed up with a cowboy hat on and fired some pistols into the air the American people would like him better. Maybe next time he should say Git R Done with a Marlboro 100 hanging out of his mouth. This country is retarded…
-Ian: Lol yeah he should have yosemity sam’ed that shit. He looks so much like [Bob] Barker he could have brought the showcase showdown wheel and some jiffy pop
-Nate: “Please spay and neuter your pets.”
-Ian: Exactly. No, “fundamentally, you should spay and neuter your pets. Just look at the record. Past is prologue.”
-Nate: “Check my record. John McCain voted 748 times against neutering pets. It’s a bogus standard.”
-Ian: *massive sigh while Palin is talking*
-Nate: Oh, that was fantastic. Extremely audible, too.
-Ian: Lol yes. Biden provides much subtle comedy
-Nate: I really wanted him to say something like ‘Listen, cupcake. Why don’t you pack up that sideshow you call a family, ice-skate your way back up to Alaska, and have sex with a moose. Let the men talk.’ I guess that would have been seen as ‘sexist’. Pffft…
-Ian: I wanted him to do the semidramatic pointing at her like at the convention. And then shoot live crows at her from his wicked crazy crows feet in his eyes.
-Nate: LOL, oh god…
November 19th, 2008 at 10:52 am
It reads like poetry, but tastier and in fragrant pieces.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
That vice-presidential debate would have been so much better if you two had been commenting on it like the announcer during a football game.