Best EVARRR Hall Of Fame #2: The 1985 Chicago Bears
Jarrod brings us another entry in his Best EVARRR Hall of Fame!
Well, the NFL season kicked off when the Giants take on the Redskins (if only there was a way both teams could lose), and it got me thinking. I remember last year before the Giants pulled off the greatest upset in the NFL since Joe Namath’s guarantee almost forty years ago when everyone was talking smack about how the 2007 Patriots were the greatest team EVARRR assembled. Even today I hear how great that team was.
Guess what: They didn’t win shit, they think last year was a failure, and so should you. And if I had a crook of a coach who knew the plays the other team was gonna run, I’d probably be lighting up teams too. So what was the best team EVARRR? It’s not even close. Don’t talk to me about the 72 Dolphins, I don’t care. Because if that team went up against the monsters of the midway that were the 1985 Chicago Bears, they’d get a mud hole stomped into ‘em.
Before we go any further, we gotta talk about the shuffle. The 1985 Bears were so good, they wrote, sung, and made a music video about how they were gonna win the Super Bowl two months before the fucking season started. They just knew how dominating they were going to be so they decided to gloat a little bit. Now usually this kind of behavior comes back to bite you in the ass, but not these guys. No amount of bad karma in the world was going to stop those guys from total domination. It also takes some gall to make a video that horrible and show it to people. Those guys could pass rush, but they sure as hell couldn’t dance.
So here are some stats for you. In 1985, the Chicago Bears outscored their opponents by a combined score of 547-208. That 547 was an NFL record. In the NFC playoffs they didn’t allow a single point scored. Their defense set an NFL record by only allowing 11.5 points per game. They went 15-1 in the regular season. Of those 15 wins, 12 of them were by double digits. They won the Super Bowl by 36 points, which was then an NFL record for biggest ass kicking in a Super Bowl. Walter Payton won the Offensive Player of the Year, Mike Singletary won the Defensive Player of the Year, and Mike Ditka won Coach of the Year. They then went on to send 10 players to the Pro Bowl. Nobody could even come close to these guys in 1985.
All great teams need a great leader and the Bears had the best: Ditka. No man better represents what is awesome about football than Mike Ditka. The swagger, the confidence, the toughness, the sweaters – he had it all. He was one of the best tight ends to ever play the game, and the first one ever inducted into the pro football Hall Of Fame (but nowhere near the honor of the Hall of Fame he enters today!). In 1988, he suffered a severe heart attack that people thought would keep him away from coaching that year. One week after the heart attack, he was back on the sidelines. Now that is manly right there.
Fuck John Madden!
The real reason for their dominance was their defense. Steve McMichael, Dan Hampton, Richard Dent, Wilbur Marshall, Otis Wilson, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and one scary looking motherfucker in Mike Singletary. Good luck against those guys. Their defense caused 65 sacks and 34 interceptions. Joe Theisman claims to have nightmares when he thinks about those monsters. They revolutionized pass rushing with their 46 defense, and caused most quarterbacks to tremble with fear. They were better then everyone else, and by the time people had figured out what was going on, it was too late. John Madden said they were the single greatest defense ever put together, and those stats make it hard to argue against.
Fear me!
However, while that defense was unstoppable, the human highlight reel that was Walter Payton stole the show. Hands down the greatest running back who ever played the game, “Sweetness” rushed for over 1,500 yards that season. Nobody could touch Walter Payton and he was always the fastest man on the field. He was only 5 ft. 10 in., which makes his power running style even more extraordinary. Most running backs have about 5 good years before it starts to take a toll on their bodies. Payton had 12, and only missed one game in his 13 year career. He personified everything you could ever want in a running back, and watching him dance around the field was unlike any other. Mike Ditka said he was the greatest football player he had ever seen. Without him, I don’t know if they would be half the team they were.
SSSWEETNESSS!
The pieces were in place other years for this team to emerge, but in 1985 everything just clicked. For example: Jim McMahon had pretty much the only good year of his career, and also didn’t get injured. But he was still a idiotic looking jackass with his headband and sunglasses. The 1972 Dolphins might have had the perfect record, but nobody was more dominant over the course of the season than the 1985 Chicago Bears. The fact is this: if you’re a coach and you can pick one squad to play a game for you on any given Sunday, you’re going to pick the ’85 Bears. And that’s why they’re the best team EVARRR.
Secondary Best EVARRR’s:
Best Headband EVARRR
Best Running Back EVARRR
Best Defense EVARRR
September 6th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Cueing Dennis Green: “The Bears were who we THOUGHT they were! If you’re gonna crown somebody’s ass then crown ‘em!” *knocks mic over*
DAAAAAAA Bears