Bionic Commando is Back…Finally!
The first time I played Bionic Commando, my friend Kevin and I went down to Wally’s Video, a stinky, porn-filled video shop in my home town. It was a pretty seedy place located near the railroad tracks, and Wally lived in the back room with his mother, both of whom weighed at least 400 lbs. each. Upon entering, the smell of B.O. and rotten food smacked you in the face. And then there was that smell. You know…that smell. The stink that lingers in every porn shop you’ve ever been to. I’m not sure if it’s the smell of desperation or just simply nut sweat, but that smell was thick in Wally’s Video.
It’s a wonder our parents let us go into that place, let alone give that fat pervert money. But despite the atmosphere, Wally had the best selection of NES games for rent in the entire town. And because of that, we happily gave him our money.
That day, Bionic Commando was sitting on the new release shelf, and it only took one look at the box art for Kevin and I to decide that this was the game we were taking home.
I mean look at that shit! He’s got that bionic arm and he’s being attacked by robots, helicopters, soldiers, and bats. Fucking bats! Luckily for us, this was one of the rare instances where the game was even more bad ass than the box art. The whole swinging mechanic just blew our fucking minds; so much that we barely played the game the way it was meant to be played. Instead of progressing through the levels, we just hung out on that first stage and swung around, trying to do crazy and spectacular stunts. In fact, we were so fascinated by the bionic arm that we only really got to the elevator stage once or twice that night. Yet we spent the entire night playing the damn game, swinging around like idiots.
So it’s no wonder that late last night, nearly twenty years later, I downloaded the Japanese demo on PSN, and immediately started swinging around and messing with that awesome bionic arm. I didn’t give a fuck about progressing through the game. I just wanted to see what kind of cool new shit I could do. And fortunately, Capcom’s added some really cool features, such as the ability to grab objects like barrels and toss them at enemies. Remember those pain-in-the-ass soldiers who would hide behind barrels and pick you off? Now just grab the barrel out from in front of that coward and toss it at his pansy ass. Or even better, jump behind him and grab him.
The full game is going up today, and I can’t wait to get my hands on it. In addition to the standard modes, Rearmed has added multiplayer and a cool mission mode that plays sort of like Exit or the Metal Gear VR missions, requiring you to navigate through a room using only your bionic arm.
Post your comments on Bionic Commando. I’d love to hear some of your memories or your thoughts on the new game.
August 13th, 2008 at 5:53 am
The demo was a blast last night, so I can’t wait to grab the full game. Savory Cade says that the Remote Play actually works pretty well, so I’ll have to try that out as well.
I own the original NES game, but I have no idea which box it’s in
August 13th, 2008 at 6:05 am
For about a period of 3 months I’d rent that game if the store had it on shelves to rent. Loved that game but never owned it as a child. It was one of those games that all my friends talked about but none of us ever owned it.
August 13th, 2008 at 6:05 am
Since I never had an NES, I unfortunately missed out on the whole Bionic Commando thing, but I’ve heard so much great stuff about rearmed that I think I’m gonna have to give it a try.
August 13th, 2008 at 6:15 am
I think I rented it back in the day and couldn’t figure out how to get past the first level (didn’t realize you could enter the open doors). I loved swinging around on the arm so much that I didn’t care and bought the game. Thankfully, I figured out how to pass it.
Love the Challenge mode in the new one, that’s gonna be frustratingly fun!
August 13th, 2008 at 8:56 am
The game looks super fun, and the early reviews are clammoring it as Best XBLA game EVARRRR. I’ll be picking it up on PS3 tomorrow.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I’m so terrible, I cannot even beat the second challenge stage.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
The demo was a lot of fun. One thing that really stood out for me was the vast different in the game from my memories of Bionic Commando. I played the Amiga version which was an Arcade port rather than the NES version.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:18 am
This game is shit hot. I never got to experience the original and my anticipation for this reimagined version was pretty damn low but, wow, what a great time. There’s a lot of meat on these bones, too, so it feels like my ten bucks is getting stretched as far as it possibly can. Good times, good times…
August 14th, 2008 at 4:29 am
One little side-note on Wally that a friend of mine who just read this article reminded me of:
Wally drove a Corvette. But because of his immense girth, he ripped out the front seat and sat in the back seat while driving.
August 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Holy balls! I downloaded the full game last night and it’s fucking awesome. It totally lived up to my expectations, which is rare these days. I love the humor, especially. They put some funny shit in there.